Little love of my life

I just love Khalila like there is no tomorrow.
Spending January with her was amazing, when I wasn't packing, moving, unpacking, tending to others, etc...
We spent a lot of time learning, and she scares me with her eagerness for knowledge.
That combined with being the daughter of two educators makes for a fun time.
I am worried she is going too fast, as she is writing letters, doing phonics, starting to read, knows simple addition, and has memorized many of the bones of the body. She is going to start swimming lessons, and dance lessons, and has just started piano with me so maybe she can focus on that on not get so far ahead that kindergarten is boring for her. It's that space of not wanting to hold her back, and not wanting to push her ahead.

The other day she told Josh "Daddy get your gluteus maximus down here." Her favorite game is either house where she is the Mama and takes care of her babies, sometimes I get to be the baby, sometimes I am the babysitter. Tell me how she gave me a list of 11 things to do with the babies while she was in California. She also loves tea party time.

I need to document more of her life with the video and stills. The time is aflyin and before I know it she will be in high school.

Auntie A is 37 weeks and ready for baby number four. Miss S, Va and Vi are all 34 weeks. I am to be at three of the births, so I anticipate being one busy mama supporter.

As for my infertility, there is no getting over the heartbreak and the not understanding why but I have put it away for awhile. The pain was too much to bear on a daily basis. Khalila is finally asking me to have a baby, so I guess I have been thinking about it a bit. The exercise will help my PCOS by regulating my insulin. So I have not lost hope. Then of course there is always IVF, but right now we don't have health insurance, so that option won't be an option for a while.

Here is one of holiday pictures that didn't make the card. The guys are great and Khalila has so much fun.

I am honoring my exercise resolution more this year then I have since Khalila. My resolution started off vague in terms of "have a healthy body that is balanced, in shape, and well taken care of" What I have translated part of that to doing an average of 30 minutes of cardio a day. My cholesterol is seven points above what is the most it should be. Also with my insulin resistance due to the poly cystic ovarian syndrome I am in danger of becoming diabetic. This commitment to exercise will help with the insulin levels and the cholesterol. Some of the boys and I get up at 5:30am every morning and get to the gym for 6:00am which is when it opens. Soon I will add strength training.

I was going to try to do 90 workouts in 90 days but given the busy nature of my life, and any other excuse I can find, that may be an impossible task. However it takes three weeks to create a habit and this is the beginning of my third week. I am hoping to go to Bikram yoga tomorrow to see how it fits with me. I love yoga, and I love heat, so let's see if I love the two together.

We are settled back in to our old house. It is so nice to be home. Khalila is about to start preschool again. She has missed it terribly and I kept her out hoping to spend time with her. We have spent time, but I have been distracted by moving, unpacking, sitting in the ER, taking care of my mother... However we have made some time for playing house, arts and crafts, ice skating, practicing letters, and dancing around. We still have to get to the Eric Carle museum and the Butterfly museum. Life is good, and I am blessed, every moment of every day.

Yesterday Khalila asked me if we could go visit Heaven. In that split second the tears threaten to make their presence known. She has been talking about Heaven a lot lately, probably with the anniversary of my brother's death recently. When she asked me where Heaven was I gave her the long winded explanation of "some people believe Heaven is somewhere up in the sky. Others believe it is all around is in the miracles of the grass growing or your laugh, and some people believe that it is in our hearts. You get to decide where and what you believe Heaven is."

I am one of those weird ones that teaches her the baby grows in your uterus and that though we like to say and imagine that the sun rises and sets, that actually the earth is spinning and that causes the sun to shine on different parts of the earth. I think this comes from learning constructivist education and how a part of teaching is unlearning misconceptions. She puts up with me and my idiosyncrasies.

I have done it, I have finally kept my commitment to myself and gotten up and to the gym for 6:00am and worked out. Four of the guys came with me this morning, and it felt great. Of course I got dizzy and felt lightheaded, somehow I have neglected aerobic activity for too long. However with my insulin resistance and my disposition to diabetes, I need exercise more now then ever. I promised my brother last night that I would do it, and when it was time to wake up after only four hours sleep, I made no excuses that would allow me to roll over and fall back asleep, up I got.

Khalila isn't in school for January, it's kinda of the collegiate school. She could have gone since Josh is taking a class but I wanted to spend some time with her, now that my job has ended. Yesterday while restocking the house while at Costco, I had to use the lavatory. She wanted to stay in the carriage and I told her that she needed to come with Mama so she could be safe. Her response in teenage fashion was "I'm not going to get lost, blah, blah, blah."

She cracks me up daily and i defend her to all the brothers who believe she should be spanked, as it worked for them. I defend my stance and am dedicated to taking the time and patience to do it the long way with explanation. I personally was raised around abuse, so I know I am super sensitive to it, but violence will not make her feel good about herself or teach her healthy ways of communicating. She has done nothing too offensive, side from telling me she was going to smack me in the face at the Chinese restaurant the other day. The guys were all talking about smacking, and she was frustrated. So I understand why she expressed herself. She didn't hit me, she talked about it. So we talked about how she was feeling and that threatening violence wasn't loving or safe.

We are off, still running and running, will breathe soon and be at peace. This is the forth time we have moved in 8 months, and does my back feel it. The last two moves have been double house moves. This house is considered to have 27 rooms, I'd say we don't use 5 of them that are in the attic where the scholars lived in the 70's. Still enough for me to be overwhelmed and exhausted. Whie being so grateful to be back home and blessed with all those I love.

Catching Up

So much has happened since my last post. Let me see, I will write about

the holidays,
Mother's pneumonia and car accident
Deval Patrick's inauguration
Moving back home

but I have to unpack Khalila's room, so I will be back later.