Kwanzaa

In the midst of chaos there was a moment of beauty. Kwanzaa at Amherst College was a moment for me with so much beauty and so many motivational messages. One high light was they guys drumming for the event. Khalila couldn't resist being with her brothers so she took a seat next to Z and started shaking her stick, on cue. Thank you to the community at Amherst College and especially Dean Moss for putting together such an amazing Kwanzaa. I laughed, I cried, I got outraged, I got inspired, I got connected. Lift every voice and sing...





Here is another shot of the guys drumming for Ms. Marilyn and extraordinary dancer.

Here are the seven principles of Kwanzaa


NGUZO SABA(The Seven Principles)

Umoja (Unity)To strive for and maintain unity in the family, community, nation and race.

Kujichagulia (Self-Determination)To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves and speak for ourselves.

Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility)To build and maintain our community together and make our brother's and sister's problems our problems and to solve them together.

Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics)To build and maintain our own stores, shops and other businesses and to profit from them together.

Nia (Purpose)To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.

Kuumba (Creativity)To do always as much as we can, in the way we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it.

Imani (Faith)To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.

­ Maulana Karenga



Khalila came through a challenging birth, in some ways, and although we were close to a c-section she was determined to be birthed through the canal. We were thinking about making her middle name Kuji for her self-determination but there is already one Kuji in Amherst so we went for Imani, faith. Also giving her the middle initial i creates khalila and her name is a combination of my initials hal, and her initials kila.

So very punished as it has been ages since my last post.
My fifteen hour days leave me depleted or energy and creativity.
I will reclaim that and give more room for my voice.


A couple of recaps for the past month.


We are still in our new house, the lead is almost abated at the other place.

Here is a picture taken from the house that is being worked on.



Project 2050 performed in NYC for Universes 10th anniversary
Here are my girls, Nene, Amira, and Miss Liz getting ready for our show. I love these girls so much, they are my long lost little sisters and I can't even imagine the past year with out them.

We celebrated our Thankful day on Friday, as is our usual custom. This year we did not go to the day of mourning in Plymouth, but instead went to the annual "Battle of the Bridge" a football game between Amherst and Northampton. On of our guys was playing, and it was the coldest, rainiest day I have ever spent at a football game. I enjoyed hanging out with his mother and sister during the game. As the two little ones played in the car. Although we lost, Mr. T. got the MVP for the game.

Ladies sing your heart(s) out

That was the title of the show we went and saw in New York this weekend. Khalila's great grandparents were in the show. She calls them Bubbe and Poppoppop, expanded a bit from the original Poppop. The play was all about an audition and it was set in the 40's. I happen to be a fan of much of that music, so I enjoyed lipsynching a bit. We all laughed as it was hilarious, also entertaining. During intermission Lili jumped up onstage and grabbed the Clark Gable photo and started singing "I love you, I love you" imitating the actress who had held the photo and sang "You made me love you" and she did some dancing and other imitations.

They were happy to have Khalila there. It was a hard weekend as they had a memorial service for a dear friend and wonderful man named Roger. Prayers to his family and friends. Bubbe and Poppop are so inspiring and absolutely wonderful, they are in their 80's and work out everyday, in this show that runs 9 times, and members of many many things. I love them dearly and am grateful that they are in my life, and particularly glad Khalila has them as great grandparents. All of my grandparents died before Khalila decided to bless my life so I have no great grandparents to give her.

Hallo-Hallo-Halloween was so much fun. A busy day, as we were Deval Patrick on the same day but we managed to get out there for some trick-or-treating. We brought two other people with us, an 11 year old and a 14 year old from the house. Kevon had already been out there for two hours, so we didn't end up going with him, he went with his friends.

Little Miss Lili was so adorable. She was a fire fighting ballerina and I love the contrasts of the two and how beautifully they go together. She is fearless, strong, and helpful to others like the characteristics of a fire fighter. While she also embodies artistic expression, grace, and flexibility like the characteristics of a ballerina. Of course this is not to box in either one of these professions, and to acknowledge that fire fighters and ballerinas are many things and many characteristics and personalities.

After Khalila would say her trickortreat and get her gift, she would say to every person "thank you, happy halloween" and don't let the house have a dog, because then she didn't even care about the candy, she was all about "oh, a doggie, can I pet your dog, I want to say hello to the dog" sometimes forcing herself into the house.

Deval Patrick

Deval Patrick is an alumni of the A Better Chance program, of which I am the resident mother at the program in my town. Deval came to the house last spring and had dinner. On Tuesday he was scheduled to speak at Umass and the ABC house was invited to sit on stage behind him while he spoke. I know that Deval has made mistakes in the past, but I really like who he is now and what he stands for.

I had a lot of fun being a part of that, and it is great for my guys to see that in a country where more men of color go to jail then to college, and where the achievement gap is so wide, that they can prevail and reach their dreams.

The move

Last week was spent packing up our house, our belongings, to be moved into the new dorm section of the house for the month or so that the house undergoes repairs. The house is to be deleaded, the roof replaced, the barn demolished, and if we are lucky we may get new floors in the kitchen and diningroom.

On Saturday there was a moving party, about 10 volunteers gathered by the United way, and our guys and some help from members of the board brought us up to about 25-30. Many hands make light the work, well in this case, make the work possible. Our house is huge and was full, and now, it stands empty. We moved into a five bedroom that Amherst College has been generous enough to let us use free of charge.

The new house is absolutely beautiful and has the best view in Amherst, I will post pictures eventually. Poor little missy though, she has had a lot of changes lately. She is adjusting well, I just hope long term, she doesn't feel unable to settle down or something. I will have faith.

A wonderful weekend, that now seems so far away.

On Sunday four of the guys and I went to Six Flags Fright Fest. I haven't been to Six Flags before. I used to go when this amusement park was called Riverside and the biggest ride was the cyclone. Now the park has grown and is about five times bigger. We brought the twin's mother to the bus station in Hartford first. I call these two the twin's, not to take away their individuality or respect that they are different people, but to have more anonymity in a sense.

Six Flags was so fun. In a way I felt I was being irresponsible due to the higher incidence of traumatic brain injury and brain damage that happens due to rollercoaster riding. I want to be all the mother I can be for my little ones, but I took the risk and rode them anyway. We rode Batman, Mind Eraser, Flashback, rides that I don't remember the names of and of course Superman. The lines weren't that long and Superman was worth the wait. When I find the digital camera I will post the picture of four of us on the Superman. I felt energized and invigorated by the day. The marketing of the theme park was a bit obnoxious. The time with the guys, was priceless. We walked through haunted mazes which weren't really scary, but there was this one moment when Z was looking up at this alien and a short actor was standing underneath his vision, when he finally looked down, she made him holler and jump. W and I watched as this went down and it was fun. Also dancing with the "cannibals" was a fun moment in time. At first I wanted to be offended by the stereotype of the cannibal, but one of my guys started dancing and we all started. Much fun...

A wonderful weekend was had part one.

Although it was as busy as can be. It started with baking 60 mini heart apple pies for wedding favors. That was a lot of fun to do with the bride, her mother, her friend and Angelica. The kids played together and avoided mini meltdowns and dramas. Until of course it was time to leave, and then they were sad. Friday was the rehearsal and dinner for the wedding. Little Miss Khalila was invited to be the flower girl, so we got to be apart of the happenings. After the rehearsal dinner, I rushed to see Kl's play at the high school. Then wait up for the football players and find out about the game and the like. Late night talking with my guys.

Wedding day, Khalila made a perfect flower girl, I was so proud of her. The wedding was beautiful, a lot of music, a lot of tears, and ohhhh noooo I didn't remember the tissue. Then Khalila was a part of the picture taking and of to the reception where the wedding party was announced for the guests and Khalila entered with the bride's two year old son and four year old nephew. How adorable were they. Then the dancing with Jor-jor on the dance floor. What a wonderful night. My only complaint would be that I had to leave before I really got my dance on because I wanted to support my ABC son in his play. So off we went. To a wonderful performance of Zoology, then spending time with the twins, and his mother who had come from NY to see her sone perform. Life is so good to me right now. Husband was away all weekend at a meditation retreat so I was basically a single mom, but no worries, we get along just fine.

Taking a picture of Amina throwing leaves when all of the sudden a Kevon decided to dive in front of the camera.




Hours of fun spent in the leaves...


Glorious Fall Days

Sun shining on my face as my eyes feast on the beauty of this area. The leaves are alive so vibrantly, just like in the spring when they come and announce their majesty. Only now the green is replace by reds, oranges, yellow, and every shade in between. Last weekend was our annual fall foliage fundraiser. We had more walkers then ever before, 350 to 400 people came out. This is so important since the pressure is on to raise $125,000 more then we usually do for the lead abatement, new roof and barn razing.

Tell me how it's been almost a week since my last entrance. I keep intending to write but... life is so busy.

Last weekend was the first weekend the guys at the house went to their host family's for the weekend. S was here for half of the weekend, which was nice to catch up. She and her best friend are pregnant, they are both sixteen and have not birthed any children yet, so I am offering my advice for healthy pregnancy and not being afraid of birthing.

My last blog knew of my struggle with infertility for 3 1/2 years but this blog has yet to hear my ramblings. I have known of well over 100 pregnancies since my struggling and then stopped counting, it was too painful. I can't help wonder about the irony of the universe as it continues full on. This one having her second abortion this year, that one pregnant with her fifth, this one giving birth to two crack babies in the same year. At the football game the other day, I was surrounded by five pregnant women. No lie, two on each side and one standing in front of us. How much more can the universe get in my face about my infertility. My mother claims it is for the greater good and that I am meant for something larger then the birth of another child. I disagree and know that all of my children will fuel my passion to help others, not take away from it. I hope to adopt four and beg and pray that I may birth one more. Only time shall tell.

Back on track-We have an RV in the driveway for Khalila and I to sleep in due to the lead liability. We had five contractors in last Monday and will have bids next week, so that we can figure out how much it will cost, and how long it will take. So life is moving along and the work, including a new roof, may be done end of November, or middle of December.

Things I love Thursday...

Miss Ninertins and her different titles for different days of the week, ie. TILT, and Photobooth Friday. She is also a crafty, optimistic, full of love for others, super-mama in that wholesome, energized, connected, proud, nurturing, wonderfulwifey, coiner of terms not to be forgotten, massaging, quilting, cooking, and so, so, so much more...

Flying through the middle of a misty rainbow while in a puddle jumper over the Caribbean Sea with my then boyfriend, now husband.

Motherhood and how I have grown as a mama since I started mothering at eight for my baby sister and all of the people since to the many more that will bless my life.

The glorious day outside today and the shining sun warming my cheeks as I soaked in the majesty of nature.

The opportunity to elaborate next Thursday on all of the things I love, that will take tons of Thursdays, for my love is boundless, endless, overflowing.

How quickly a day melts into three or four and now here I am almost a week later finally posting again. The week was full of demands of my energy and time. A lot of which was great, football games, times with my house sons, time with my daughters. Some of it was rather stressful, times in the emergency room trying to convince my mother that life is worth fighting for and living. Frustrated times as she stubbornly demands to sign herself out AMA and the doctors assure her, that she will die. My mother has been living with a terminal diagnosis for 18 years now, and with a couple of terminal illnesses for a few years after that. Her emphysema prevents her body from absorbing the necessary oxygen, and then her organs and brain end up compromised with issues of their own. Moving beyond that...

I haven't been working for a week and a few days since my appointment officially ended and I await approval from the union for an extension. They threw out the search which now enables me to be considered, which is cool. Another job has opened up which would be director of the Women of Color Leadership Network, which would be a great thing. The only issue is that I love love love working with the youth, and although the other job offers more money, I think I will hold out for the youth position. I am currently snuggling with my baby girl, while watching a show and catching up online. Little missy should be asleep, but truth is she has been keeping hours with the scholars. I am working on getting her to bed at 8:00 but this had rarely been her bedtime. Until next time...

Wedded Bliss....

On Saturday I went to a wedding of a dear friend from college. She and I have had a most interesting friendship and I have many great memories of times together. Although we communicate but a few times a year, she is close my heart. It was amazing to be present for her and her sweetheart's nuptials. The stars were in perfect alignment, mother nature provided the perfect ambiance, and her loved ones were in abundance. I knew about six people there, but felt I knew more through the years of stories, pictures, and blogs. My husband and daughter drove to MIT, only to be led to the wrong wedding. We got there and there were tons of people, it was on the penthouse floor of some building there. As I was looking around I certainly didn't recognize anyone, and was curious when her circle of friends had become exclusively one culture. She tends to love people for who they are and therefore her circle is not homogeneous. Then they announced the couple and we knew we were in the wrong place.

Luckily there was a cushion for time and we were able to locate the wedding before missing any of it. I have pictures to upload and memories to share but I will do that later when there is more time. I must make sure the guys are starting their homework.

Although I didn't post yesterday, the though crossed my mind. Yesterday had me running from 7am until 12:30am and was filled with bringing people to school (four different schools mind you) working and having meetings, my mother to a doctor's appointment, picking people up, dropping people off, a fun football game that had me doing everything from cheering and eating chips (need to bring my granola next time) to crawling on all four while three wee ones figure out how to share the space of my back, and balance at the same time. Those grass stains may be around for quite some time.

A bit tired and in danger of loosing my voice as I was up until 4ish, and then up at 6ish. I was about to have issues with having nothing to wear. I have nice clothes from oh, I'd say 40 pounds ago. I have some business attire for this weight, but definitely not something worthy of wedding status. Then I thought about it and if there were anyone's wedding who would welcome me with my come as I amness, it would be this one. I loved that on the invitation the dress code gave much wiggle room. So I will not stress, and I will wear something (as I don't want to upstage the wedding party) The wedding isn't until 3:30pm two hours away, but I am up and getting ready as if I have to leave at 10 as I refuse to be late, or miss this wedding. No how, no way. I love the girlies getting married and am so happy to celebrate in their love with them. I will post more about these fantastic super stars later.

One reason for the love and peace in my life.

Little Miss Khalila, she doesn't really look quite like this as this is an expression that exists in between her usual demeanor.

Day two woo hoo

At my staff meeting today my check in went a little like this: "Well, considering that after this week I don't have a job, and a week later no place to live I am doing surprisingly well. I have so much love in my heart and in my life that I am at peace and am not freaking out at the potential instability of my life" and at the time I was right there, in the light. I think for me it is perspective and faith perhaps. My mother was just complaining about poverty, as she is way below the poverty level and struggles so. I get that, as I too live below the poverty level in this country. Globally I am richer then 3/4 of the people who live on this planet. So yes I may not have the all of the fancy toys in this culture, I have so much more then other people. I have electricity, food, clothing, shelter... In some ways though, I think we are less equipped to be self sustainable if or when the time should come. We dependent and I think consumerism is a way we are kept distracted and complacent. Okay, I am getting political, and those thoughts might not be well formed yet, so I will sign off and help the guys with their homework. Pictures to come soon.

HALA

Hopefully third time's a charm for this is the third blogspot blog I have created. The other two never quite got off the ground. I was faithful to live journal once upon a time, but even there haven't posted since before the summer began. I have so much in my head that this blog is necessary. As I contemplated Spaghetti-O's today, I knew I needed some sort of outlet for my thoughts. I love to cook and have learned to love food so much that to talk about Spaghetti-O's to some would be blasphemous. However that when I was growing up it was a good day in the Lord household when we could afford the brand name Spaghetti-O's instead of the generic versions that never ever tasted as good. Of course it usually meant the food stamps had come in so fruit roll ups and Spaghetti-O's here we come. Occasionally I bring a can to work and it hits the spot. So today as my lunch was heating I was contemplating the interesting space of how our past can "shape" us or inform the decisions we make. Sometimes it's an easy connect to where it comes from, and other times to code is much harder to break. Anywho I am grateful my lunch motivated me to make a blog.