Khalila Quotes with long explainations

"Mama, you can't eat your poop, you can't eat your poop because it is poisonous" (I don't know where she had this conversation, but she must have learned this from somewhere)

"I want to have a party, I think it should be a Howler Monkey party and they could invite Chinstrap penguins." I know I may have heard about Howler monkeys, but definitely haven't heard of the chinstrap penguins. I knew her intelligence would surpass mine, I just didn't know she would be three when it happened. :) We have Diego to thank for her intimate knowledge of other animals that are not in North America.

I also hoped to raise her with a broader knowledge about groups. I learned a cow was a cow, never knew there were Jersey cows, Milking Devon cows, and Holstein Cows. A horse was a horse, and a tree was a tree. I knew the green apples were granny smiths, but the red ones were all just apples. I want Khalila to know more of the specific names and even descriptions. Knowledge opens worlds, and I am determined to give her as much as I can. Luckily she gets it from other places or else a penguin would still be a penguin and a monkey just that, a monkey.

Yesterday she found me crying in the office (she is waking up earlier and earlier) and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sad, for it is good for her to learn that you can be sad, express it, and move through it. I want her to have a healthy relationship with her feelings. I know it is also a balance, for my mother went into the land of over share with us (I am depressed and want to kill myself, I don't want to live, I can't find a reason to keep me here) Of course that is a valid feeling to move through but at six it's kinda hard to process. So I keep it simple, and will work hard to not let her feel it is her fault or that she is not worthy. She asked why I was sad and I told her that I couldn't get a baby in my uterus. After my long winded introduction to her quote her it is she said
" I can help you with your uterus, I can help you make a baby, I can get the baby in the uterus." She is the best, I am so blessed.

Inpiration

My children inspire me daily, and often times many times throughout the day.

One of my guys gets up everyday at 5:30am and we go to the gym for 6 when it opens. On those days when I don't get to bed until 2 or 3, I might try to imply we have a break day, but by the end we ultimately end up going and I know if it weren't for him I would be sound asleep.

Little Man Tate, who by the way is almost as tall as me. Is it time to rock the heels 24/7 or acknowledge that I am not as tall as I might like to think I am and that he is growing up, as 7th grade is just around the corner.
He inspires me to look at the world through that confident lens equipt with the knowledge that I can do anything I put my mind to.

Little Missy, keeps me inspired to see the best in humanity, she renews that faith. Her compassion, while at an age when she is actively taking in everything the world gives her and processessing it at a speed that makes me dizzy. She has the ability to be present for others and yet for herself at the same time with a healthy balance.

Miss Mama who at sixteen has just birth the most beautiful blessing ever inspires me in my own motherhood. I see her embracing her daughter and motherhood much the way I did (go attachment parenting) I am proud to have been that model in her life for the other mothers in her life struggle with addiction and are unable to give of themselves in the way a baby needs.

Profound Gratitude

I was named "Grateful flower of the heart" when I took the mindfulness training of Thich Naht Hanh. I have been grateful for many a things but recently I have shifted it to a gratitude for everything, my extra bulges, my toothache, my bills. It is a freeing process that has me happier then I have ever been. I am learning from the Secret about the law of attraction and putting out gratitude and thankfulness. I am surrounded by blessings and have the energy and desire to give back and heal. I have always been there, but often gave so much I kept nothing for myself and would sometimes get drained. Now I seem to have enough energy, and time to take care of myself.

Khalila's story

Khalila dictated a story last month and here it is

Monster’s in Village Park

There are monsters that live at Village Park they are Black and White and live in tree’s the babies are triangles and they eat milk from the hole in my tummy. It tickles. The Mommy monsters are rectangles and they live in palm tree’s they are mean and growl. The mommy monster eat flashlights, radios, and bags. The mommies name is Curtains. The Daddy monsters name Hagapa and he is nice and lives in the tree’s he is in the shape of a circle. He eats drawers, peaches, and balls. The girl monster was named Haka and the boy monsters were named Paco, Taco, and Tapo. And the girl monster had sisters named Paca, Taka and Daka.

The Treasure Monsters fall in the water. They got eaten by another monster that swims in the ocean. He started to eat them and he started to growl at them. And they started to eat them in his throat.

The End


We used to live in Village Park four moves ago. She might have been cross with me as the mommy moster is mean and growls, I don't growl, I never even yell.

The other day when I wouldn't let her wear only her gymnastics tights to school (hello winter) she said she didn't want to live with me anymore and she wanted to live with her old family. Adorable.

Her story about six months ago was a bit disturbing

The ghost is scaring a mom. I cut the skin of the people with my fingers. They liked it too much so I used the scissors. They were being too loud so I poured salt on them and they were quiet.

Her stories are getting more descritive.

The Four Agreements

There is all this wisdom that has been written about, thought about, talked about for thousands of years. The Four Agreements written by Don Miguel Ruiz taps into Toltec wisdom and it puts old messages into a new package. Truthfully when I read it it reminds me of wisdom presented by Buddha, Thich Naht Hanh, the bible, Emmanuel, and many other wise ones. More recently I am loving the Secret and working towards living my life surrounded by gratitude and positivity. I still love the simplicity of the four agreements and got this book recently for a friend who was struggling with some things. Here they are as written by Don Miguel Ruiz, his book goes into much more depth but here is the recap.

Be Impeccable with your word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don't take anything personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What thers say and do is a projection of their own reality, their opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

Don't make assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always do your best

Your best is going to change from moment to moment, it will be different when you are healthy, as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply o your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.

I find myself needing to remember the middle two the most. Not taking things personally and not making assumptions and reading more into things. I will post more about the secret and how it is transforming my life.

Little love of my life

I just love Khalila like there is no tomorrow.
Spending January with her was amazing, when I wasn't packing, moving, unpacking, tending to others, etc...
We spent a lot of time learning, and she scares me with her eagerness for knowledge.
That combined with being the daughter of two educators makes for a fun time.
I am worried she is going too fast, as she is writing letters, doing phonics, starting to read, knows simple addition, and has memorized many of the bones of the body. She is going to start swimming lessons, and dance lessons, and has just started piano with me so maybe she can focus on that on not get so far ahead that kindergarten is boring for her. It's that space of not wanting to hold her back, and not wanting to push her ahead.

The other day she told Josh "Daddy get your gluteus maximus down here." Her favorite game is either house where she is the Mama and takes care of her babies, sometimes I get to be the baby, sometimes I am the babysitter. Tell me how she gave me a list of 11 things to do with the babies while she was in California. She also loves tea party time.

I need to document more of her life with the video and stills. The time is aflyin and before I know it she will be in high school.

Auntie A is 37 weeks and ready for baby number four. Miss S, Va and Vi are all 34 weeks. I am to be at three of the births, so I anticipate being one busy mama supporter.

As for my infertility, there is no getting over the heartbreak and the not understanding why but I have put it away for awhile. The pain was too much to bear on a daily basis. Khalila is finally asking me to have a baby, so I guess I have been thinking about it a bit. The exercise will help my PCOS by regulating my insulin. So I have not lost hope. Then of course there is always IVF, but right now we don't have health insurance, so that option won't be an option for a while.

Here is one of holiday pictures that didn't make the card. The guys are great and Khalila has so much fun.

I am honoring my exercise resolution more this year then I have since Khalila. My resolution started off vague in terms of "have a healthy body that is balanced, in shape, and well taken care of" What I have translated part of that to doing an average of 30 minutes of cardio a day. My cholesterol is seven points above what is the most it should be. Also with my insulin resistance due to the poly cystic ovarian syndrome I am in danger of becoming diabetic. This commitment to exercise will help with the insulin levels and the cholesterol. Some of the boys and I get up at 5:30am every morning and get to the gym for 6:00am which is when it opens. Soon I will add strength training.

I was going to try to do 90 workouts in 90 days but given the busy nature of my life, and any other excuse I can find, that may be an impossible task. However it takes three weeks to create a habit and this is the beginning of my third week. I am hoping to go to Bikram yoga tomorrow to see how it fits with me. I love yoga, and I love heat, so let's see if I love the two together.

We are settled back in to our old house. It is so nice to be home. Khalila is about to start preschool again. She has missed it terribly and I kept her out hoping to spend time with her. We have spent time, but I have been distracted by moving, unpacking, sitting in the ER, taking care of my mother... However we have made some time for playing house, arts and crafts, ice skating, practicing letters, and dancing around. We still have to get to the Eric Carle museum and the Butterfly museum. Life is good, and I am blessed, every moment of every day.

Yesterday Khalila asked me if we could go visit Heaven. In that split second the tears threaten to make their presence known. She has been talking about Heaven a lot lately, probably with the anniversary of my brother's death recently. When she asked me where Heaven was I gave her the long winded explanation of "some people believe Heaven is somewhere up in the sky. Others believe it is all around is in the miracles of the grass growing or your laugh, and some people believe that it is in our hearts. You get to decide where and what you believe Heaven is."

I am one of those weird ones that teaches her the baby grows in your uterus and that though we like to say and imagine that the sun rises and sets, that actually the earth is spinning and that causes the sun to shine on different parts of the earth. I think this comes from learning constructivist education and how a part of teaching is unlearning misconceptions. She puts up with me and my idiosyncrasies.

I have done it, I have finally kept my commitment to myself and gotten up and to the gym for 6:00am and worked out. Four of the guys came with me this morning, and it felt great. Of course I got dizzy and felt lightheaded, somehow I have neglected aerobic activity for too long. However with my insulin resistance and my disposition to diabetes, I need exercise more now then ever. I promised my brother last night that I would do it, and when it was time to wake up after only four hours sleep, I made no excuses that would allow me to roll over and fall back asleep, up I got.

Khalila isn't in school for January, it's kinda of the collegiate school. She could have gone since Josh is taking a class but I wanted to spend some time with her, now that my job has ended. Yesterday while restocking the house while at Costco, I had to use the lavatory. She wanted to stay in the carriage and I told her that she needed to come with Mama so she could be safe. Her response in teenage fashion was "I'm not going to get lost, blah, blah, blah."

She cracks me up daily and i defend her to all the brothers who believe she should be spanked, as it worked for them. I defend my stance and am dedicated to taking the time and patience to do it the long way with explanation. I personally was raised around abuse, so I know I am super sensitive to it, but violence will not make her feel good about herself or teach her healthy ways of communicating. She has done nothing too offensive, side from telling me she was going to smack me in the face at the Chinese restaurant the other day. The guys were all talking about smacking, and she was frustrated. So I understand why she expressed herself. She didn't hit me, she talked about it. So we talked about how she was feeling and that threatening violence wasn't loving or safe.

We are off, still running and running, will breathe soon and be at peace. This is the forth time we have moved in 8 months, and does my back feel it. The last two moves have been double house moves. This house is considered to have 27 rooms, I'd say we don't use 5 of them that are in the attic where the scholars lived in the 70's. Still enough for me to be overwhelmed and exhausted. Whie being so grateful to be back home and blessed with all those I love.

Catching Up

So much has happened since my last post. Let me see, I will write about

the holidays,
Mother's pneumonia and car accident
Deval Patrick's inauguration
Moving back home

but I have to unpack Khalila's room, so I will be back later.